Third try...

This is the third time in the past two days I've tried to blog about something, but couldn't gather the words that accurately fit what I wanted to say. So forgetting either of those attempted blogs, let me try to blog.

New Years day I woke to have my mind filled with "what ifs" and "I should of's". I was questioning tons of things, because simply, it was 2008. If I had stayed in public schools, I would be graduating for sure this summer. I would probably be entering a college in the fall, and planning on moving out. But instead, I'm questioning whether I'll even graduate '08, and if college is really in my future. Lord knows I can't afford it. And I don' t know what I want to do with my life anyway, so what would be the point?

All the negativity was kind of bringing me down, but it was still making more questions in my mind surface. "What am I meant to do in life? Will I make a difference? Will I ever experience things of life, such as a first date, a first kiss, first love?" ahaha, yeah, the whole love thing doesn't exactly blend in with the school and purpose thing, but I was still thinking it.

I'm still not positive of whats all going on, but thanks to Erika, I have the hope that everything will be ok. I will graduate, even if I'm a year later than originally intended, I will go to college and I will find a way to make it work. I will major in something, and I will pay off all loans, if I use them.

I've also decided what I want to do with my life...I already pretty much knew this, and its still pretty vague. But again, thanks to Erika, and Clay Aiken, I've decided in some way I want to help people. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I want to help someone. Even if its just one person.

I know this is kind of odd, and its kind of hard for me to put how I feel into words, but I haven't figured out another way to express myself yet, so this all I have for now...Wish me luck. ahah.

~Samantha~